


Of Luck and Silence

by whimsythoughts



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: M/M, mild ushiten, shiratorizawa appreciation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-22
Updated: 2016-10-22
Packaged: 2018-08-23 21:24:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,415
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8343373
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/whimsythoughts/pseuds/whimsythoughts
Summary: Shirabu doesn't really want to attend the third year's farewell party. But to Tendou's, urging he does.





	

“You’re coming to our farewell party tomorrow night. Right, Shirabu?”

Shirabu shrugs and slams his locker shut.

“Oh come on, that’s just rude! Have some fun with your senpais. Don’t you want to say bye to Ushijima?” Tendou grins.

“I’m not much of a party person. Besides, I’m going to attend your graduation ceremony. Isn’t that enough?”

“Of course not!” Tendou says, slapping Shirabu’s back, “Come on. There will be a lot of cute girls. Plus, don’t you want to see Ushijima get asked for his second button? Jokes on them though because I asked for it first.”

Tendou grins, pleased at his own initiative. He reaches into his pocket and pulls out a black button, admiring it as he held it up for Shirabu to see it, “Neat, huh? Reon gave his away to some girl in his class. So, did Yamagata. Semi still has his. How lame. He says he’s saving it for someone special. Can you believe that?”

Tendou shakes his head and stuffs the button back into this pocket. He wants to ask who this _special person_ was but he knows that’s not the question Tendou was fishing for. Even if he did ask, Tendou would probably have no idea.  
  
“What about your button?” He indulges his senpai.  
  
Tendou wraps one arm around Shirabu, “Well, my dearest Shirabu, glad you asked! My button went to my best friend--the former volleyball captain—one of the top aces in the nation—my someone special as Semi-semi would put it--U _shijima Wakatoshi_.”  
  
Shirabu nods. Tendou frowns, not the reaction he was looking for, “You’re no fun. So, you’ll come, right?”

Shirabu sighs knowing this conversation won’t end unless he agrees to his request, “I’ll stop by.”

“Great!” Tendou reaches out to pat Shirabu,”I’ll be expecting you. So, will the rest of the third years. Maybe not Semi though.”

“Semi? He’s not going?” He questions.  
  
“No, he is! He said _you_ wouldn’t go. He said something like blah blah Tendou you shouldn’t make people do things blah blah blah. You know Semi. He says things.” And with that Tendou skipped out the door, leaving Shirabu with more questions than ever before.

It’s not that he hated parties. He just didn’t see the point of them. It was time he could spend practicing or studying or anything else really. Not only that but that this was a farewell party.  Shirabu would be forced to say goodbye to everyone at this party. And he hated saying goodbyes, mostly because he was terrible at them. And it left the people he cared about the most feeling like he didn’t care at all.

****

Shirabu mingles for a bit here and there. He spends most of his time with Ushijima though. It turns out Ushijima wasn’t much of a party person either and only agreed to host the party to the urging of Tendou. Not much surprise there. And he’s never been more glad of Ushijima’s intimidating presence than now, since not many people approach him.  
  
“I heard you gave Tendou your second button,” a bored Shirabu says. He rests his hands on his chin and he looks to Ushijima for any sort of expression that may make its way to his face.  
  
“I did,” was all he says. No hint of anything. Shirabu sighs. Ushijima looks at Shirabu curiously and decides to add on, “He’s been a good friend to me these last three years. He deserves it. I have his too.” Ushijima pulls the button out of his pocket to show to Shirabu. Shirabu nods and the only word comes to mind which he refuses to say out loud to Ushijima, _cute_. Maybe that was the response Tendou was fishing for.  
  
Suddenly, Shirabu sits up right, “Do you know who Semi is giving his too?”  
  
“I didn’t ask. Why don’t you ask him for it?”  
  
Shirabu feels his face grow hot. He opens his mouth to say something but nothing comes out. He thought it would be safe asking Ushijima but—but why on earth would he say something like that?  
  
“You’ve been staring at him all evening. I just thought—There’s nothing wrong with liking--  
  
“Wakatoshi-kun! Look I brought you people,” Tendou interrupts, sporting the same old grin on his face. Behind follow a group of people, who look like a mixture between excited and terrified.  
  
Shirabu covers his face with his hands. He can’t believe this—he can’t believe that Ushijima was about to give him love advice. He’s never been more glad of Tendou’s interruptions than now as he stands up and nearly runs away from Ushijima. Probably for the first time ever.  
  
He feels his heart racing.  
  
He hated it. He hated feeling like this. He hated that whenever it came to Semi all his emotions spiraled out control. That’s why he always walked away from Semi, because quite frankly, he was afraid. Afraid of saying or doing something stupid.  
  
He scans the room and in the corner, sees Goshiki and Yamagata engaged in an arm wrestling match. He watches from a distance as Yamagata wins and tries to console Goshiki after. Kawanishi takes on Yamagata next. He loses too. He avoids that corner due to fear that he might too be dragged into an arm wrestling match with Yamagata. Next, he sees an oblivious Reon, unaware that the girl he is talking to is blatantly flirting with him.  
  
Reon could probably beat Yamagata in an arm wrestling match, Shirabu thinks.  
  
Then, he looks for Semi, but he’s nowhere in sight. He breathes a sigh of relief.  
  
He decides to step outside, finding the party too suffocating for himself. Too many people. Too loud. Too warm. And to his surprise he finds Semi outside sitting on the steps. Part of him wants to just turn around and pretend he never saw him. The other part of him begs him to stay exactly where he is. 

“Are you going to stand there all night or join me?” Semi teases, patting the concrete next to him. He tilts his head back to look at Shirabu.

“How did you…” he stops short as he noticed Semi pointing to his shadow, “Oh.”

“That and I heard your footsteps…So?” he said, patting the concrete once more. If Shirabu didn’t know any better, he could have sworn that Semi was drunk--that was the only thing that could have explained his placid demeanor towards him. But, Shirabu knew that there was no alcohol of any kind at this party. Ushijima had made sure of that much to Tendou’s dismay.

Shirabu was caught so off guard by Semi’s behavior, he proceeds to do just as he suggests.

It was strange sitting next to Semi now, inches from him, with Semi so at ease on top of that. So seemingly free. Silence settles between the two. Shirabu was used to silence, he enjoyed it even but sitting so close to Semi had his nerves near an all-time high. He even avoided looking at him.

“Tendou said you told him I wouldn’t come,” Shirabu spat out, breaking the silence. Semi shrugs, “You don’t seem like the party type.”

“How do you know?” Shirabu seems almost offended and he didn’t why, especially when he had told Tendou the same exact that thing that morning.

Semi looks at him curiously and shrugs.

Shirabu struggles to make conversation. Semi doesn’t even try. Shirabu doesn’t want the silence though and so he says the first thing that comes to mind, “Tendou said you haven’t given your second button to anyone yet.”

“I haven’t,” he replies. A smile forms on his lips, “Why? Are you asking for it?” Semi leans in towards Shirabu.

“No!” Shirabu quickly says. Maybe a little quickly. He remembers Tendou’s words, that he’s saving it for someone special.

He wants to demand _who_. But, he holds back.  
  
Shirabu fidgets with his hands, nervousness slowly taking over him. This wasn’t him, wasn’t him at all. He stands up, he needs to go. Somewhere anywhere else but alone with Semi. He wants to walk away but his feet don’t move. He stares down at the floor and starts fidgeting with his jacket instead. He takes a deep breath.

“I didn’t mean to take your place on the team! I’m sorry.” Shirabu bows his head and shuts his eyes. No, he wasn’t just bad at goodbyes—he was beyond terrible. That didn’t even have bye anywhere in it.

Semi stands up from the steps, “The setter that was best suited to the team was chosen, that’s all. That’s not something you need to apologize for, is it?” He reaches out to place his hand on Shirabu’s shoulder giving it a gentle squeeze. He meets Semi’s gaze, who seems neither angry or upset. Instead, he looks concerned and it confuses Shirabu.

“But-but you hated me.”

Semi’s face went through a series of emotions ranging from shock to annoyance to frustration.  
  
“I never hated you. Oh, don’t act so surprised,” He adds the last part in annoyance as Shirabu’s face turns into utter confusion. Semi sighs before continuing on, “It’s true I didn’t exactly like you in the beginning. And I’m not an exact fan of your playing style. But I never hated you. I…,” his voice trails off.

“You what? You just didn’t like me?”

Semi sighs in frustration, “No. No! I…When you first joined the team…Ushijima was your whole universe and everything else came second.”

“That’s not true, I-“

“You joined the team because of Ushijima. Did you not?”  
  
“There’s nothing wrong with admiration,” Shirabu defends. He really doesn’t understand why Semi is so bothered by this.  
  
“No but—but you admired him _too much!_ You paid attention to him _too much_. Everything was _too much_ when it came to Ushijima.” Semi doesn’t mean to raise his voice but it happens anyways. He tries to reel his temper back in before it’s too late. Before he says something, he’ll know he will regret but he thinks it’s already too late for that. And by the looks of it, he can tell Shirabu is thinking the same.  
  
Curiosity takes over Shirabu’s nerves. Semi had never made it a point to hide the fact Shirabu focused on Ushijima too much during a game.  But this, this seems different than Semi’s usual scolding.  
  
“You sound jealous, Semi.”  
  
Shit, Semi thinks, this wasn’t how he wanted tonight to go. He stays silent, avoiding Shirabu’s intent gaze, a silent confirmation that he had hit the nail on the head.  
  
“You were jealous? Jealous of the attention that I paid to Ushijima and not— _not_ _you_?”

 It was something he had only admitted to himself recently and it certainly wasn’t anything to be proud about. He wasn’t jealous of Ushijima; he was simply jealous of the ongoing attention that Shirabu seemed to give him.  
  
Still nothing but silence from Semi.

 “Why?” he whispers the question.  
  
Nothing.  
  
“Why?” he repeats louder this time, frustration clear in his voice.  
  
Nothing again.  
  
“Tell me!” he says as he lunges forward and grabs hold of Semi.

His lips slowly began to form a smile. He glances briefly up at night sky, “It’s pretty isn’t? I used to be jealous of everyone who would make it out in space. I used to even envy the space crafts because they were able to go where I couldn’t. And then, I started playing volleyball, and I felt like I had discovered another world. It was— _is_ fun. It was exciting and terrifying all at the same time. And the-“  
  
“Cut the shit and just tell me,” he shakes Semi. Semi looks up at the night sky again and gives a sigh of resignation. He looks back at Shirabu before continuing.  
  
“And then you came along… And I became jealous because I wanted to make you my whole world yet you made Ushijima yours.” Semi’s voice falls flat.  
  
“That’s not true.” Shirabu loosens his grip on Semi.

 “And now I’m graduating and it’s terrifying.  The thought of leaving everything I love behind me…I…,” his voice grows shaky, “I…I think I’m in love with you and I’m…I’m terrified…absolutely terrified.”

Shirabu takes a step back letting go of Semi. He lets his arms fall to his sides. He replays the words in his head because maybe he hadn’t heard right.

 _I think I’m in love with you_  
  
_…love…_

_… you._

Silence settles around the two. Semi waits and waits but Shirabu makes no gesture of rejection or acceptance or even that he heard the words. And Semi sure as hell won’t repeat that twice. All he can make out is Shirabu’s blank stare which gives away nothing.

The silence returns. And this time it’s nothing but uncomfortable and awkward for both of them.

“I have to go,” Semi breaks the silence first. But, before he could even take a step, Shirabu lunges forward grabs onto Semi’s jacket. Semi stumbles backward over the steps and falls straight to the ground. Shirabu follows landing on top of him.

A series of curses tumble out of Semi’s mouth. He feels as the pain courses through his body. He feels the cold grass against his skin and the feel of rocks pressing onto his back. The feeling of Shirabu’s grip on the front of his shirt. The weight of Shirabu on him.  Not as light as he thought. The feeling of Shirabu’s inner thighs pressing on the sides of his legs.  
  
 He feels his heart racing surely, Shirabu can feel it too.

Neither of them says a word. He avoids looking at Semi and stares straight up at the sky.  He knows it’s impossible to count all the stars but he tries so anyways. Anything to avoid the reality of his current situation. He feels Shirabu’s grip tighten on the front of his shirt though.  And he feels something else-something wet land on his face.  The feeling of rain on his face—rain? But the sky was cloudless. No—no not rain— _tears_. Shirabu’s tears. He’s crying.

This is new to Semi. He had never seen Shirabu lose his composure to this degree before.

True, he had seen him lose his cool plenty of times. Scolding the first years, especially Goshiki. Sometimes snapping back at his teammates, himself included. But, nothing like this before.

It’s not like he’d never seen him cry before but he could count the number of times he had on his hand.  
  
_Twice_.  
  
The first was last year when Shiratoriza had lost at Nationals. The second was after Shiratorizawa had lost to Karasuno. The only condolence Semi had offered Shirabu then were the words, “you played well” which Shirabu responded to by walking away.

But, back then Semi knew exactly why Shirabu was crying. He understood unlike now. Here Shirabu was now, sitting on top of him and crying his eyes out. And in between the sobs, he heard muffled words and all he could make out was the word, “Don’t.”

Semi knew he should say something. But really, he couldn’t know what to say especially if he didn’t know exactly _why_ he was crying.  
  
Had his confession been that bad that it had reduced Shirabu to tears?

Semi does the only thing he can think of and reaches up to Shirabu’s face and thumbs away the tears falling onto his cheeks. Shirabu’s breath hitches at the touch. He leans into Semi’s hand, craving the warm touch.

Time passes and Shirabu’s sobs slowed to a still.

“Please don’t leave me. Please don’t…” Shirabu finally managed out, “It’s-it’s not fair.”  
  
Shirabu tightens his grip on Semi because maybe, just maybe, the tighter he holds on him---the more of a chance he had at making Semi stay with him.  
  
_It’s not fair._  
  
Semi repeats the phrase to himself. He wants to laugh because he knows all about unfair. He knew on his first day of practice at Shiratorizawa that his setting style was not what the coach wanted. It’s not what the team needed. He knew when the person he had slowly fallen in love with was the person he was vying with for an official spot. He knew when he became a third year and he wasn’t selected to be the starting setter.

He lowers his hands to his sides and pushes down on the ground to sit up right, to face Shirabu who is still sitting on him.

“You know what’s not fair?”

Shirabu merely blinks and says nothing. He’s still fighting back the threatening tears. Semi sees this and smiles. He raises his hand up again to stroke his cheek. Shirabu feels much warmer this time around but his breath still hitches at his touch. He leans into him until their foreheads touch.

“That I had to be the one to confess.”

Shirabu lets go of Semi and leans back away from Semi’s touch. And Semi knows that look too well. He’s seen it many times in matches, when he stares at his opponents trying to figure out his next move. Trying to figure out the next toss.

Shirabu licks his lips and grabs hold of Semi’s jacket again. He closes his eyes and pulls him forward a little till their lips meet. Semi’s lips aren’t as soft as he imagined them to be, not that he minds one bit. Not at all. He feels both of Semi’s hands on his waist as he pulls him closer. And he melts into the kiss, into Semi.

How long had Shirabu been waiting for this moment?

 _Too damn long._ And suddenly he wished, he had done this sooner, said something sooner. He wonders if it’s the same for Semi.

And Shirabu remembers that Semi is graduating.

And who knows if he’ll ever see him again.

Who knows if he’ll get to _kiss_ him again.

What if this was a one-time thing?

What if he had misheard him and Semi doesn’t actually like him?

And as if Semi could read his mind, he pulls away from the kiss, and grabs hold of Shirabu’s face.

Shirabu’s eyes open wide. His eyes are glossy.

“I love you Shirabu Kenjirou. Hell knows why, but I love you.”

Shirabu wants to say something but he feels if he opens his mouth again, he’ll start crying. So instead, he leans in for another kiss. He wants to make up for lost time. He wants to make sure that the time they have left together isn’t wasted. Not even one second.

And he suddenly remembers what Tendou said. He pulls away from Semi and furrows his eyebrows, his voice dead serious with no hint that he had actually been crying his eyes out several minutes ago, “I’m the special person, right?”

“Special person?” Semi repeats back to him. Shirabu shoots him a threatening glare.

“Tendou said you hadn’t given away your second button because you were saving it for a special person. _I’m_ the special person, right?”

Semi can’t help but laugh. It’s back to familiar territory with Shirabu. He kisses his forehead, letting his lips linger for a few moments before he responds, “Are you asking for it?”  
  
Semi was always in awe at Shirabu’s talent for conveying so many words with one single look. And currently, he was giving one that screamed, _why should I have to ask for it, if you were going to give it to me anyways?_  
  
“Tomorrow. I’ll give it to you tomorrow.” Semi leans in to kiss him on the cheek, “We should go back.”  
  
Semi moves to get up but Shirabu doesn’t budge an inch.  
  
“Do we have to?” Shirabu pouts. And it takes all over Semi’s willpower not to kiss him, because he knows if he does they’ll never make it back inside. Not that he would mind, it’s the part where someone would eventually come out and discover them and with his luck it would be Tendou, who would never let him hear the end of it.  
  
“Come on,” Semi grabs hold of Shirabu’s hand and pulls him up. But before they go inside, Shirabu tugs on Semi’s hand.  
  
“Semi?”

“Hm?”  
  
“ What’s going to happen?”  
  
“We’ll figure it out,” Semi leans in to plant a kiss on Shirabu’s forehead before continuing, “I love you Shirabu Kenjirou.” He wraps his arms around him, pulling him in close.  He likes how easy the words roll of his tongue. It feels right.  
  
And for the first time in a while Semi Eita feels lucky.

 

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading! 
> 
> I’m not gonna lie. I had to really stop myself from having Tendou rush in and interrupt with, “Hey, Shirabu finally lost it and is beating the shit of Semi!” 
> 
> Also, feel free to scream about Haikyuu!! with me on tumblr @the-domitable-setter/@whimsythoughts


End file.
